Sunday, September 29, 2013

Week 4 Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter

[Editor's Note: We regret the delay in delivering this week's Stink Rankings. Tim the Dis-Enchanter was earning his Masters in A-hole studies at Curmudgeon University. Congratulations, Tim, you're a certified *&^%$ now!]

 The following may be found highly offensive. Do not consume the Stink Rankings if you are easily offended, have any sense of morality, are pregnant or may become pregnant. The views expressed below are that of a deeply bitter man and in no way reflect those of The Sports Narrative, any of its members or anyone with a conscience.

Side effects of viewing the Stink Rankings may include nausea, complete loss of bladder control, unfortunate but humorous flatulence and death. If any of these symptoms occur, immediately retweet this to all of your friends, co-workers and enemies. Misery loves company!

Week Four Stink Rankings

1.) Seahawks +24 – Number one and still boring.

2.) Broncos +1 – Poor Peyton. The NFL has been so unfair to him with their mean scheduling – like the season opener in Denver against the Super Bowl champion Ravens. Thanks Papa.     

3.) Cowboys +3 – Dallas at San Diego. Who would have thought that this would be THE defining moment for both of these teams?

4.) Chiefs -1 – Surgeons are fashioning a fire hose into a lap-band for Andy Reid.

5.) Bears -1 – It’s just about time for VaJayJay to take a big dive. Detroit should be just about the right place. 

6.) Bengals -1 – The NFL will be broadcasting a test pattern during breaks in the Cincinnati/Cleveland game since no one would buy advertising. 

7.) Falcons +14 – Who cares.

8.) 69ers -6 – Man, it sucks when other teams have all of that tape to look at after your rookie year, doesn’t it? Not that an underperforming defense gets a pass.

9.) Texans -5 – Welcome back to mediocrity. Your table is right this way, Mr. Schaub.   

10.) Dolphins +9 – If the Saints don’t obliterate Tannehomo and the tuna fish, I’m calling out of work Tuesday.

11.) Patriots -4 – The Falcons should easily mop the floor with these Pukes – Gronk or no Gronk.

12.) Saints -1 – 3-0 and no one talks about them. Are they the Bills now? 

13.) Redskins +2 – Let’s hope they can beat the Raiders. Otherwise we will have to refer to him as RG0-4, and it just doesn’t ‘pop’ the way “RG1-3” does.

14.) Packers +1 This guy I work with is a big religious fanatic and also a Packers fan (for reasons unknown). I’ll bet he has a fantasy where the Pope comes out to do Easter Mass with one of those stupid cheese hats on and then gives the “Discount Double-check”  

15.) Chargers +9 – Who would have thought the San Diego/Dallas game would be so damn interesting all of the sudden. 

16.) Rams -4 – Sam Bradford’s career is over. 

17.) Cardinals +1 – Arizona at Tampa Bay? Almost as exciting as Buffalo at Cleveland. 

18.) Ravens +1 – Look for some team records to be broken on Sunday as the Ravens humiliate what’s left of the Buffalo Bills.

19.) Lions +1 – Donkey Kong Suh. 

20.) Colts +1 – Agape.  

21.) Eagles +1 Things won’t get much better for “Chippy” and the dog killers this week in Denver.    

22.) Jets +1 – Sanchez still out with a torn Labia, but Smith throwing approximately the same percentage of interceptions so as not to disappoint.  

23.) Panthers +2 –Boring.

24.) Steelers +2 – If the bloody Steelers don’t skive on Sunday, Big Ben might look to tickle his bell-end in a pub, governor!

25.) Giants -11 – OK Mr. Coughlin, no one is laughing at your impression of the Buffalo Bills. No one except me. I’m actually laughing a lot.

26.) Vikings +1 – The Vikings should ponder getting a new quarterback. Sam Bradford will be available soon.  

27.) Raiders +1 – I would rather slam my testicles in the car door than watch the Raiders play on Sunday. 

28.) Buccaneers +1 – What rhymes with “Posh Preeman Pot Penched Per Pike Plennon”?

29.) Titans +1 – I would not have guessed the Titans/Jets game to be one worth watching this week.

30.) Bills -13 – Hopelessness. Marrone has failed. Players have not “bought in”. Mario Williams is a bum. Manuel is a second string QB. The team is all beat up from injuries because they are not conditioned. The Marrone/Manuel regime will set the organization back another 4 years – minimum.  

31.) Browns -15 – Mexican-Americans continue to protest the team’s name through Hispanic Heritage Month.

32.) Jaguars NC Can they win a game this year? 

Dallas Cowboys Pre-game Show Week 4

Dustin Copening and Darren Boyd are here to get you prepped for the Week 4 matchup between the Dallas Cowboys and the San Diego Chargers.

The Boys handled the Rams without much trouble. Is this signs of a 10-6 season, or a predictable win over a subpar opponent?

In the Coach's Slant, Jeff Bowers presents his Coach's Chalkboard. Then, we hear from Jason Garrett about a banged up Chargers offensive line, and San Diego head coach Mike McCoy on Philip Rivers adjustment to his offensive system.

Once again we go Inside the Numbers with Jeff Bower to find out if Dallas has the statistical advantage in their second road game of the season.

Dustin predicted a Week 2 win on the road, but was proven wrong. Is he sold on the Boys starting their first consecutive game win streak in 2013?  Who else on the crew will pick for or against the Cowboys?

Tune in, call in, and send your feedback to @dfwfanconnect@sportsnarrative, @thefeltman, and @DarrenBoyd13.

Click HERE to Listen!

Week 4 Picks

The Sports Narrative Radio Show crew will each week be giving you all of our NFL picks against the spread. The person with the worst record at the end of the year OR if they finish behind both The Mick and Katie will be subjected to wearing a chosen costume at a January roadshow TBD. The costumes are as follows:
Jeff Bowers: dress as Ron Burgundy (with moustache!)
Dustin Copening: dress as a 70's basketball player (with nut-hugger shorts and red afro)
Jeff Feltman: dress in drag with blonde wig (not really a punishment?)
The Mick: dress in a full suit and pink tie
Katie: dress as Wonder Woman
Darren Boyd: Winner's pick (very, very risky)
Here's this week's picks. Good Luck!
Game Darren Katie Feltman Jeff The Mick Dustin
San Francisco (-3) at St Louis SF SF SF SF SF SF
Pittsburgh (-2.5) at Minnesota Pitt Pitt Minn Minn Minn Pitt
Baltimore (-3) at Buffalo Balt Balt Balt Balt Balt Balt
Cincinnati (-4.5) at Cleveland Cin Cin Cle Cin Cin Cin
Indianapolis (-8.5) at Jacksonville Indy Indy Indy Indy Indy Indy
Seattle (-2.5) at Houston Sea Sea Sea Hou Hou Sea
Arizona at Tampa Bay (-2.5) Ariz Ariz Ariz TB Ariz Ariz
Chicago at Detroit (-3) Chi Chi Chi Det Chi Chi
NY Giants at Kansas City (-4.5) KC KC KC KC KC KC
NY Jets at Tennessee (-3.5) Tenn NYJ NYJ NYJ NYJ NYJ
Dallas (-2) at San Diego Dal SD SD SD Dal Dal
Washington (-3) at Oakland Oak Wash Wash Wash Wash Wash
Philadelphia at Denver (-10.5) Den Den Den Phil Den Den
New England at Atlanta (-2) NE NE Atl Atl Atl NE
Miami at New Orleans (-6.5) NO NO NO NO NO Mia
Last Week 8-7-1 9-6-1 8-7-1 6-9-1 7-8-1 9-6-1
Overall 23-23-2 22-24-2 22-24-2 21-25-2 20-26-2 20-26-2

Thursday Night Narrative 9/26

On an action packed 90 minutes episode of The Sports Narrative Radio Show

- We discuss the opening of the State Fair of Texas tomorrow and possibly issue an eating challenge

- Feltman breakdowns the final weekend of the regular season in baseball and who's in or out

- A preview of the weekend ahead in college and pro football as well as any other sports that may be happening

- We unveil a new segment and possibly a new Superhero?

- The show ends with some terrible picks in various games guaranteed to lose you money

So "hide your kids, hide your wives" cuz The Sports Narrative goes live 7:30-9PM on the 26th or anytime on Itunes or at

Click HERE to Listen!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Rangers Pepper: It's All Come Down To This

by Dustin Copening

#RangersThoughts” on Twitter can be seen by following me @dfwfanconnect, but those thoughts evolve every few days from 140 characters into what I have dubbed as
“Rangers Pepper”.

Four down. Three to go.

Have a laugh, and read on...

Never Again Please - There are two outs in the top of the second, and Matt Garza is one out away from retiring the Angles 1-2-3 after being handed a two run lead.

Andrew Romine grounds a ball to first that bounces off Mitch Moreland’s left foot and reaches on an error...J.B. Schuck singles to right field...Ian Kinsler lets a routine groundball from Erick Aybar bounce through his legs, and then makes a poor decision and throw, leading to his second error in one play...Adrian Beltre throws a Mike Trout grounder errantly past Mitch Moreland...And the Rangers trail 4-3 as Matt Garza finally records the inning’s third out on a K of Howie Kendrick…

The four errors in one inning was the first time a team wearing a Rangers uniform had stumbled into such a disastrous accomplishment, and the second time in the month a September that they committed as many errors against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. The first time resulting in an 8-3 loss at Angel Stadium.

However, this time Texas ended up walking off the field as winners despite their own ineptitude, courtesy of a Jurickson Profar home run on a 1-1 fastball that kept hope alive for one more day.

Six of Texas’ fifteen losses in September have come in games in which they have committed at least one error, and last night was the first game the Rangers won this month when they committed multiple errors.

It also marks the first game the Rangers won when allowing 5 or more runs since August 23rd.

To put it more accurately, if Texas does finish the season on a 7 game win streak that they hope forces a playoff-play-in game with the Indians, it’s highly doubtful they can overcome a repeat performance of all that went wrong prior Profar’s adrenaline shot into the right field stands.

And It STILL Might Not Be Enough - As Profar was getting mobbed at home plate, the Indians were clinging to a 9th inning lead that had gone from 5 runs to 1. If they fell behind for the second consecutive evening in the games final frame, they would be the team walking off the field to a crushing defeat.

However, Cleveland held on to win, notching their seventh consecutive W and maintaining their one game lead over Texas for the second Wild Card spot in the AL. For the second straight night, Texas may have seen their best chance of catching Cleveland fall by the wayside.

Tonight, the Indians will send Corey Kluber to the mound. Kluber did not win his July 20th start in Minnesota, but he gave up no runs through 5 innings while Cleveland’s offense scored only twice. He will be opposed by rookie Pedro Hernandez, who did manage to pick up a win at Progressive Field on June 23rd, but has allowed a total of 7 ER to the Tribe in 10.1 innings over 2 starts.

And that likely represents the most favorable matchup for the Twins this weekend.

On Saturday afternoon, Cole De Vries will attempt to go a smidge longer than the 2 innings he struggled through in Oakland last Sunday, where the A’s roughed him up for 6 ER on 4 H and 3 BB. Cleveland counters with Scott Kazmir, who, like Kluber, received a no decision at Target Field in July. Kazmir was scored on twice (both unearned runs) through 6 innings the evening before Kluber’s no decision.

The Sunday afternoon series finale features Scott Diamond of the Twins versus Ubaldo Jimenez of the Indians. Diamond faced the Indians at home on July 21st, and he made it just 4.2 innings, surrendering 6 runs (5 ER) on 6 H and 2 BB. Jimenez is rolling, compiling a 1.04 ERA and 1.038 WHIP in September 6 September starts, all Indians wins.  Even though he did lose his only start against Minnesota on August 23rd, he only allowed 2 ER and struck out 10 through 6 innings pitched.

The law of averages would say that Minnesota should pull off one win in a four game series, and that Cleveland won’t win 10 consecutive games to end the season.

That looks like the only thing in the Rangers favor, who must pull off a minor miracle of their own.

Late Morning Baseball - The Texas Rangers have moved the start time of tomorrow’s game up 8 hours, from 8:05 p.m. to 11:05 a.m. due to the 1-2” of rain that is expected to soak the DFW Metroplex Saturday afternoon/evening.

The positive side of this development is that you can tune into the back half of the FOX broadcast of the Indians vs. Twins game with a little more knowledge of what a Cleveland win or loss does to the Rangers season.

The negative being that there is a possibility that you will spend the rest of your Saturday sulking around the house, or braving the wet roads with full knowledge that Texas’ season has come to an end.

If you have a “no beer before noon” policy, then this may be the time to rethink that stance.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Monday Night Narrative 9/23

Join the SNP crew of Jeff, Dustin, Darren and The Mick as they recap the weekend in sports and everything else too! On the Monday show:

- A retrospective of the late Ken Norton in The Narrative

- A look at all the crazy blowouts in college football

- Talk of the Cowboys and the rest of the NFL including why the NFC sucks so much

- A journey into Mick's Pub for a look at the new Fall TV shows, a look at the Emmy's and the craziness in Kenya

- Shoveling dirt on the Texas Rangers and the retiring on the Great Mariano

- Other sports, laughs, wheels-off moments and the like

Live Monday Sept 23rd from 7:30-9PM or anytime on Itunes or at

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Week 3 Picks

The Sports Narrative Radio Show crew will each week be giving you all of our NFL picks against the spread. The person with the worst record at the end of the year OR if they finish behind both The Mick and Katie will be subjected to wearing a chosen costume at a January roadshow TBD. The costumes are as follows:

Jeff Bowers: dress as Ron Burgundy (with moustache!)
Dustin Copening: dress as a 70's basketball player (with nut-hugger shorts and red afro)
Jeff Feltman: dress in drag with blonde wig (not really a punishment?)
The Mick: dress in a full suit and pink tie
Katie: dress as Wonder Woman
Darren Boyd: Winner's pick (very, very risky)
Here's this week's picks. Good Luck!

Game Darren Jeff Feltman Katie The Mick Dustin
Kansas City at Philadelphia (-3) KC PHIL PHIL KC KC KC
San Diego at Tennessee (-3) SD SD SD SD SD TEN
Cleveland at Minnesota (-5.5) MIN MIN CLE CLE MIN MIN
Tampa Bay at New England (-7) NE TB NE NE NE NE
Houston (-2.5) at Baltimore HOU BALT BALT HOU BALT HOU
St Louis at Dallas (-3.5) STL STL STL STL DAL DAL
Arizona at New Orleans (-7.5) NO ARIZ ARIZ NO ARIZ ARIZ
Detroit at Washington (-2) DET DET DET DET WASH DET
Green Bay (-2) at Cincinnati GB GB GB GB GB GB
NY Giants at Carolina (-1) NYG CAR NYG NYG NYG NYG
Atlanta at Miami (-2) MIA ATL ATL ATL ATL MIA
Indianapolis at San Francisco(-10.5) INDY SF INDY SF SF INDY
Jacksonville at Seattle (-19) JAX SEA SEA SEA SEA JAX
Buffalo at NY Jets (-2.5) BUF NYJ BUF NYJ NYJ NYJ
Chiacago (-2.5) at Pittsburgh CHI CHI CHI CHI CHI CHI
Oakland at Denver (-15) DEN OAK DEN DEN OAK DEN
Last Week 9-7 9-7 7-9 7-9 9-7 8-8
Overall 15-16-1 15-16-1 14-17-1 13-18-1 13-18-1 11-20-1