Saturday, November 3, 2012

Week Nine Stink Rankings

Week Nine Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter 


1.) Giants NC – Great teams win big division games when they need to. The Cowboys are better than their record and the Giants still beat them in a gritty win.


2.) Packers NC - I sold my touchdown dance to an insurance company; the one thing that was truly my own, was, in fact for sale. 


3.) Texans á1 – They are a decent team, but will be hard-pressed to pull out a tough win against the surging, powerful, score-machine Bills. 


4.) Bears â1  – It’s about time for Cu*tler to take the annual nose-dive.


5.) Broncos NC – Thanks Papa.


6.) Falcons NC – It’s time for the Falcons to lose a game. Every week I keep saying that they aren’t that good, yet they keep winning. Lose, damn it.


7.) 69ers NC – The overrated Defense has sprung a couple of leaks. – Still great, but not unbeatable.


8.) Patriots á1 – I bought a Tom Brady jersey that I use to clean out my cat’s litter box.


9.) Seahawks â1 – Wild Card; one and done. You heard it here first.


10.) Dolphins á3 – I hate to admit that they are for real, but they look pretty good. 


11.) Redskins â2 – His name is Robert Griffin III, not “RG3”. Are we a nation of seven year-olds?


12.) Ravens â1 – Two people are dead and Ray Lewis is a star. He should be sneaking shanks out of the wood shop for cigarettes.


13.) Steelers á1 – and the award for the stupidest looking throw-back uniforms goes to…


14.) Cowboys á1 – How many seasons do Cowboys fans keep wondering whether or not “it’s Romo”? Still, they move up one spot for hanging in there against the Giants.


15.) Jets â3 – They’ve fallen and they can’t get up. Tim Turbo to the rescue! Which will happen first – Tebow gets laid, or the Jets go to the Superbowl?


16.) Lions á2 – The Lions on Thanksgiving AGAIN. Time for a new commissioner. If it weren’t for Detroit playing on Thanksgiving, no one would volunteer to work all day at the homeless shelters.


17.) Eagles â1 Yo! Vick gives you the best chance to win. Who thought we’d be hearing a Quarterback controversy out of Filthadelphia halfway through the season.


18.) Vikings â1 – Thanks for getting mauled by Tampon Bay, Minnesota. I’ll never pick you to win again


19.) Buccaneers á3 – Tampon Bay


20.) Cardinals â1 – Yes, an Offensive line comes in handy from time to time.


21.) Rams â1 – 45 – 7 loss to the Pukeriots? Bill Belichick is obviously cheating again. I heard that he makes Welker, Edelman, and Danny Dickhead wear orange make-up and striped shirts like Oompa-Loompas when they lose. Weird.  


22.) Bengals â1 – Yawn….


23.) Panthers NC – Panthers? Isn’t there some other game on? No? How about Barney Miller re-runs?


24.) Chargers á1 – They whipped the Browns and Chiefs because they are awesome. Just like Buffalo.


25.) Saints â1 – Who in the hell are Dey? Certainly not all dat!


26.) Raiders á5 – Who cares. 


27.) Colts á1 – What a disgusting snot and saliva filled tooth-pit that Quarterback has in the middle of his face. Close your freaking mouth, would you?


28.) Titans á1 – The Flaming Thumbtacks.


29.) Bills á1 – Poised to move up after they crush the Texans on Sunday in a “freak deal” game. 


30.) Browns â4 – Something stinks in Believeland. Its first name is Mike and its last name is Holmgren. It looks like a walrus and has a swimming pool full of applesauce.


31.) Jaguars á1 Wonder-Twin powers ACTIVATE! Form of a struggling NFL franchise. Shape of a Losing Record.


32.) Chiefs â5 If they keep playing the way they are, I will interview for the Chief’s Head Coaching position next year.

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