Week Eleven
Stink Rankings
By Tim the Dis-Enchanter
1.) Bears á1 – Cu*tler was
flattened in a dirty hit. Texans win, but the Bears are a better team who lost
a strong 4th quarter QB to a cheap hit.
2.) Packers á1 – Aaron Rodgers makes full use of the Bye Week to make some
more sh*tty commercials.
3.) Texans á1 – I’m certain your fans are all leading the chorus of
remarks besmirching Roger Goodell and the NFL for the penalty and fine on
Dobbins for the dirty cheap hit on Cu*tler.
4.)
Falcons á1 - I finally pick them to win and they lose. Matt Ryan
should consider taking a day or two off from tanning. He’s starting to look
like one of those douche-bag Gotti kids from that miserable television show.
5.) Ravens á6 - They absolutely
murdered the Raiders, destroyed their bloody shirts and got away with it by
intimidating the witnesses.
6.) Giants â5 – Way to choke in
Cincinnati.
7.) Broncos á2 – Peyton Manning and
the Papa John’s Guy officially come out of the closet and get married in Maine.
Peyton is still a giant douche and Papa’s pizzas still taste like hot vomit on
cardboard. Thanks
Papa.
8.) 69ers â2 – Tragically, Alex
Smith left the game with a concussion just as he was about to move ahead of
Ryan Leaf in the statistics chart.
9.) Patriots â2 – You should have lost
to the floundering Bills. A mistake by a rookie wide receiver in the last 20
seconds of the game resulting in a win does nothing to make the Pukeriots look
the least bit intimidating.
10.) Seahawks â2 – Seattle’s
quarterback look great against the Jets, whoever he is.
11.) Saints á8 – They are still
cleaning the brown smears of Matt Ryan’s fake tan off the turf in the
Superdome.
12.) Cowboys á5 – The Cowboys mauled the Eagles. Can they win another one?
13.) Steelers â3 – Rapistberger narrowly squeaked out a win against the
Junior Varsity Chiefs. Then almost died.
14.) Dolphins â2 – The Dolphins have ended up in cans of tuna the
last two games.
15.) Redskins â2 – Either they had a bye week, or else I just
didn’t look that hard to find the score of whatever game they might have
played. I guess we’ll never know.
16.) Vikings NC – Way to put the Lions in their place.
17.) Buccaneers á1 – They’re awesome because they beat the
Chargers.
18.) Rams á4 – The Rams keep getting better. Kicking San
Francisco in the nuts with that tie was gratifying.
19.) Lions â4 – The wheels have fallen off just in time for
the Lions to roll over and get stuffed by the Texans on Thanksgiving. Sorry for
the graphic image.
20.) Cardinals NC – Such a stupid mascot
for an NFL franchise. How about the Arizona Right-Wing Nut-jobs? Now there’s a
scary mascot!
21.) Panthers NC – Who?
22.) Jets â8 – Te-Bow! Te-Bow! Te-Bow!
23.) Bills á6 – They suck at 4 – 6, but they beat the
Dolphins, so for one week in Buffalo the clouds have parted and a little ray of
sunshine has pierced through. Screw you Marino.
24.) Bengals â1 – Who cares.
25.) Eagles â1 – Cry Eagles, cry!
26.) Colts â1 – Andrew Luck’s disgusting mouth hanging open
every Sunday is preventing us from winning the war on terror.
27.) Chargers â1 - Bad
28.) Raiders â1- Worse
29.) Titans â1- Horrible
30.) Browns NC – Abysmal
31.) Jaguars NC - Useless
32.) Chiefs NC – Irrelevant
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