Saturday, November 17, 2012

Stink Rankings

Week Eleven Stink Rankings

By Tim the Dis-Enchanter


1.) Bears á1 – Cu*tler was flattened in a dirty hit. Texans win, but the Bears are a better team who lost a strong 4th quarter QB to a cheap hit.


2.) Packers á1 – Aaron Rodgers makes full use of the Bye Week to make some more sh*tty commercials.  


3.) Texans á1 – I’m certain your fans are all leading the chorus of remarks besmirching Roger Goodell and the NFL for the penalty and fine on Dobbins for the dirty cheap hit on Cu*tler.   


4.) Falcons á1 - I finally pick them to win and they lose. Matt Ryan should consider taking a day or two off from tanning. He’s starting to look like one of those douche-bag Gotti kids from that miserable television show.    


5.) Ravens á6 - They absolutely murdered the Raiders, destroyed their bloody shirts and got away with it by intimidating the witnesses.


6.) Giants â5 – Way to choke in Cincinnati.


7.) Broncos á2 – Peyton Manning and the Papa John’s Guy officially come out of the closet and get married in Maine. Peyton is still a giant douche and Papa’s pizzas still taste like hot vomit on cardboard. Thanks Papa.


8.) 69ers â2 – Tragically, Alex Smith left the game with a concussion just as he was about to move ahead of Ryan Leaf in the statistics chart.


9.) Patriots â2 – You should have lost to the floundering Bills. A mistake by a rookie wide receiver in the last 20 seconds of the game resulting in a win does nothing to make the Pukeriots look the least bit intimidating.


10.) Seahawks â2 – Seattle’s quarterback look great against the Jets, whoever he is.   


11.) Saints á8 – They are still cleaning the brown smears of Matt Ryan’s fake tan off the turf in the Superdome.


12.) Cowboys á5 – The Cowboys mauled the Eagles. Can they win another one?


13.) Steelers â3 – Rapistberger narrowly squeaked out a win against the Junior Varsity Chiefs. Then almost died.


14.) Dolphins â2 – The Dolphins have ended up in cans of tuna the last two games.


15.) Redskins â2 – Either they had a bye week, or else I just didn’t look that hard to find the score of whatever game they might have played. I guess we’ll never know.


16.) Vikings NC – Way to put the Lions in their place.


17.) Buccaneers á1 – They’re awesome because they beat the Chargers.


18.) Rams á4 – The Rams keep getting better. Kicking San Francisco in the nuts with that tie was gratifying.


19.) Lions â4 – The wheels have fallen off just in time for the Lions to roll over and get stuffed by the Texans on Thanksgiving. Sorry for the graphic image.


20.) Cardinals NC – Such a stupid mascot for an NFL franchise. How about the Arizona Right-Wing Nut-jobs? Now there’s a scary mascot!


21.) Panthers NC – Who?


22.) Jets â8 – Te-Bow! Te-Bow! Te-Bow!


23.) Bills á6 – They suck at 4 – 6, but they beat the Dolphins, so for one week in Buffalo the clouds have parted and a little ray of sunshine has pierced through. Screw you Marino.


24.) Bengals â1 – Who cares.


25.) Eagles â1 – Cry Eagles, cry!


26.) Colts â1 – Andrew Luck’s disgusting mouth hanging open every Sunday is preventing us from winning the war on terror.


27.) Chargers â1 - Bad


28.) Raiders â1- Worse


29.) Titans â1- Horrible


30.) Browns NC – Abysmal


31.) Jaguars NC - Useless


32.) Chiefs NC – Irrelevant

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