Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Bottom of the Bottle

from The Mick

Hey it’s your old pal The Mick. I was asked to give you a review of Halo 4. I don’t have an Xbox and I’ve never played Halo. I am well aware that it has a character named Master Chief and he has returned. So that tells me that he has been missing for two games which is how you define a game icon. So here is everything you want to know about Halo 4. Alright let’s bust into a couple of things that I want to address.
First, I am tired of hearing about Super Storm Sandy. The East Coast got hit by a category 1 hurricane that hung around because of a low pressure system. Last time I checked “1” is the lowest rating for hurricanes. Now I’m not unsympathetic. People died, sewers overflowed, and animals were displaced. All of this is very sad and donations should be made to help ease the economic strain ( ). Overall, I don’t care.
Second, the damned election. Once a leap year we line up at high schools and courthouses to stand in a booth and color in boxes for a sticker. Unfortunately, the sticker is the only substantial result of voting. Unless it’s a local election your vote doesn’t count. The president is picked by an electoral college which makes about as much sense as BCS standings. It’s old, broken and corrupt, just like the government as a whole. Overall, I don’t care.
Finally, f-ing zombies. Why does every game have to have an f-ing zombie level. I’m surprised I haven’t run into one on Assassin’s Creed 3 yet, but, I’m sure it’ll be a DLC. Now don’t get me wrong I like killing zombies as much as the next nerd, but, sweet mercifully hop-scotching Jesus. Call of Duty, Borderlands, Red Dead Redemption, Half-Life, Warcraft, and Halo 4 all have zombie levels. I am excited about the newest zombie craze though, Zombie Run. It’s a 5k obstacle course with zombies chasing you. I am all for making work outs fun. Not everyone can appreciate the concept of pick up heavy s#!t, put it down, pick it up again.
Maybe one day an actual hard storm will hit D.C. dropping zombies on the government and they will wish they had hit the gym instead of our wallets. We can only hope and realize that all the zombie levels have desensitized us so the undead don’t stand a chance. Tap the head, they stay dead

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