Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Apocalypse Now?

Bottom of The Bottle

by The Mick

Hey it’s your old pal The Mick finally writing some stuff. I know I’m behind schedule, whatever. It’s normally helpful if someone throws me an idea or two, even if I reject the ideas it helps me get stories going. Of course, lately nothing has been getting the ire going. All the news stories have been boring: some guy kills his chick and himself, some celeb got in a fight while another has a crappy home life, politicians are wrong about how the world works and we suffer the consequences. Blah, blah, boring. I know it’s not going to happen, but, the Mayan end times would at least be different.

I actually love all the doomsday screamers. “Oh no, we are all gonna die. Dead people said so!” If they were so prophetic, then why didn’t they see their own extinction coming? It’s hard to believe someone that didn’t see it coming. The “true believers” say that somewhere in the dead language carvings that the Mayans did see the Spanish Inquisition. I think not, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Of course, most scholars agree that it’s all a pile of s#!t. A huge steaming pile of soft bacteria riddled s#!t. The biggest issue with stating an end from a countdown is the beginning. Let’s get deep for a second. If you want to have an hourglass effect, then when does it get turned over? Let’s say that humans will have 200,000 years to do everything we can before we turn back into lemurs. Based on the latest findings, we have 5000 years left. That is until older remains are found next week which will give us only 100 years. Of course, we don’t have an accurate dating system. The tightest dating methods are plus or minus 25,000 years, maybe. It seems like a tightly guarded secret how much guessing goes on in archeology. Which brings me back to the main point, how can you count down when you don’t know when the clock started?

But, it’s a calendar and it’s a circle. Circles are great because they have no end or beginning. The long count calendar (the bad one) is supposed to be linear, and so is the Gregorian calendar. That’s our calendar, you know, the new one you buy every year with pictures of kittens and naked women. So in a few thousand years when our society is gone and forgotten we will be seen as the most pessimistic people ever. This obsession with the end hasn’t helped us appreciate what we have as it should and that will be our downfall.

So see y’all on the 22nd, bitches!

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