Wednesday, September 7, 2011

9/7 Power Rankings

With the kickoff just a day and a half away, I thought I'd throw down the obligatory power ranking poll, listing all the teams in my order of quality of Oscar Hosts. For a complete breakdown of every team by division, fantasy studs and sleepers and my pre-season Superbowl picks, listen to the podcast that should be posted sometime on Thursday. Be good and be well!

Power Rankings:

(The Bob Hope Group: The class by which others are graded.)

1. Green Bay Packers (must respect the champs)

2. New England Patriots (also will be referred to as the Evil Empire many times in this blog)

(The Johnny Carson Group: Quality, yet still in the wake of the legend)

3. San Diego Chargers (given health and if Norv Turner tossed that Tiki idol he got in Hawaii last year)

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (though aging quickly)

5. New Orleans Saints (acquiring a real RB make this team very intriguing)

(The Billy Crystal Group: Lovable and entertaining, yet without the respect garnered by his predecessors)

6. New York Jets (2 straight AFC Championship games, but just can't get over the hump)

7. Philadelphia Eagles ("The Dream Team" may be a nightmare hitching your wagon to an oft-injured QB)

8. Atlanta Falcons (solid yet unspectacular, hoping that Julio Jones wakes up the dirty bird fans)

9. Baltimore Ravens (I'm just not convinced that Flacco isn't this generation's Vinny Testeverde)

10. Houston Texans (might finally jump the Colts hump thanks to Peyton's neck)

(The Steve Martin Group: Greatness, but not enough of a sample size to be included with the above)

11. Detroit Lions (These 2 young teams play week 1 in Tampa)

12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (I think the winner makes the playoffs and the loser doesn't)

(The Eddie Murphy Group: On paper, has all the tools to be good, but is very much an unknown quantity)

13. Arizona Cardinals (Will win that crappy division by default)

14. St. Louis Rams (I want to lake them more, but the first 8 games is a brutal stretch)

15. New York Giants (as erratic as an Eli Manning crossing route)

16. Indianapolis Colts (10-6 with Peyton, 6-10 without)

17. Chicago Bears (Picking up a bunch of guys that can't play for other teams is not how you improve)

(The Jon Stewart Group: Might of seemed like a good plan at the time, but the execution proved to be a little harsher than expected)

18. Oakland Raiders (just can't quite seem to plug all the holes in the leaky pirate ship)

19. Miami Dolphins (great defense, but with Henne at QB, say bye-bye Tony Sparano)

20. Tennessee Titans (I like the direction, but new head coach has got some building to still do)

21. Kansas City Chiefs (losing Charlie Weiss is going to hurt that offense a lot)

22. Minnesota Vikings (Adrian Peterson and the 10 dwarves just can't get it done)

(The Chris Rock Group: This just seems like a bad idea all around)

23. Cleveland Browns (letting Mike Holmgren re-build your franchise seems like a bad idea)

24. Dallas Cowboys (that defense might be even worse than last year Ouch!)

25. Washington Redskins (when Grossman and Beck is your QB battle, you really don't have a QB)

26. Seattle Seahawks (sometimes I think Pete Carroll sucks on purpose)

27. Buffalo Bills (it's sad that you are considered an improving team, and that gets you to #27)

(The James Franco Group: I know you are on some kind of drugs right now, sir!)

28. San Francisco 49ers (some really nice wepons with no one to trigger them)

29. Denver Broncos (the Tim Tebow albatross will keep them down for years)

30. Carolina Panthers (Cam Newton will get a big dose of reality but if he lives through he has a real chance)

31. Cincinatti Bengals (with Palmer at QB, this team might be decent, but Mike Brown is an idiot)

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (firing your QB 3 days before the season starts is a sure sign of suck)

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