Sunday, November 10, 2013

Dallas Cowboys Pre-game Show: Week 10




Ready for the bye week?
We didn't think so, and neither are the Sports Narrative boys, as Dustin Copening and Jeff Bowers are here to talk Cowboys with you!
The guys look back at an ugly win over the Vikings in Week 9, but a win is a win, right? They let you know.
The weekly staples are ready to roll with the Coach's Slant, Inside the Numbers, Cowboys Predictions, and Matchups of Interest.
You can sleep next Saturday night, but not tonight.
Tune in, call in, and send your feedback on Twitter to @dfwfanconnect, and @sportsnarrative

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Week 10 Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter

[Editor's Note: Tim the Dis-Enchanter is a life long Buffalo Bills fan. In the late 90's, Tim had all of his blood replaced with venom so he could properly display his feelings. The result is the following]


The following may be found highly offensive. Do not consume the Stink Rankings if you are easily offended, have any sense of morality, are pregnant or may become pregnant. The views expressed below are that of a deeply bitter man and in no way reflect those of The Sports Narrative, any of its members or anyone with a conscience.

Side effects of viewing the Stink Rankings may include nausea, complete loss of bladder control, unfortunate but humorous flatulence and death. If any of these symptoms occur, immediately retweet this to all of your friends, co-workers and enemies. Misery loves company!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
 



Week Ten Stink Rankings

 



1.) Chiefs NC – Andy Reid hasn’t seen his own penis since 1986.

 
2.) Seahawks +1  – Unwatchable.

 
3.) Broncos +1 – Think about it: John “Papa John” Schnatter conceived a commercial (featuring himself, of course) where he and Peyton Manning ham it up for the camera - but Schnatter insists that Peyton read the line, “Thanks Papa”. That means this egomaniacal A-hole actually thinks so highly of himself that he found another colossal A-hole to thank HIM and refer to him as “Papa”. Just think about that. 

 
4.) Saints -2 – Who Dey?! Who Dey?! Dey da ones dat can’t win on da road.    

 
5.) Colts +4 – At the innermost core of Andrew Luck’s gaping mouth is a singularity, from which not even light can escape. 

 
6.) Patriots NC – Arrogant, cheating chest-beaters. Yep, that sounds like a modern American “patriot”.   

 
7.) Bengals -2 – The red-headed step-child is coming off a bye week. The Bengals should begin their annual downhill slump right about now – just in time to miss the playoffs.      

 
8.) Bears NC – Yeah, Jay – maybe you could come back and play when you’re done with your period, or whatever silly injury is keeping you on the bench with those pursed-lips and that pouty face. Cu_tler.

 

 

9.) 69ers +1 – Donte Whitner has applied to legally change his name to Donte Hitner. I will not be satisfied until he completes the asinine maneuver by growing a square mustache and making an inflammatory statement about Jews.   

 
10.) Redskins +1 – RG3-6.

 
11.) Packers -4 – Looks like Mr. Rodgers got discounted himself when the Chicago Bears double-checked his collar bone. Loser. Rodgers! Discount double check! 

 
12.) Falcons NC – Matty “Yikes” and company should get the piss beat out of them soundly by the S#$%hawks on Sunday. 

 
13.) Chargers NC – Where is your god now, Phillip Rivers? 

 
14.) Lions NC – That video of Ndamukong Suh kicking Matt Schaub in the balls last year could be the perfect scene for a Viagra commercial: “You’ve reached the age where you’ve learned a thing or two… WHACK”

 
15.) Jets +3 – They roll over and bite the pillow for Cincinnati one week – then whip the Saints the following week. It’s like they can’t decide whether they’re going to be ‘pitching’ or ‘catching’ from week to week. Except Sanchez. Sanchez is definitely catching.  

 
16.) Cowboys NC – Look for the Saints to score about 175 points against the Cowgirls on Sunday, and for Jason Garrett to be standing on the sidelines with that hopelessly expressionless look on his face. 

 

 

17.) Browns NC – I’m still not sure why the bulldog is the mascot of a team called the “Browns”. Do bulldogs inspire hopelessness and desperation in their masters and let them down repeatedly?  

 
18.) Ravens +1 – Cincinnati will be Ravin’ about their landslide victory on Sunday.  

 
19.) Titans +1– I have to admit, I’m secretly hoping for the #$%uars to kick the P out of the Titans on Sunday. GO #$%uars!  

 
20.) Rams +3 – Watching this team makes European soccer seem exciting.  

 
21.) Panthers +3 – Here are their 5 wins: Giants, Vikings, Rams, Buccaneers, Falcons. Why is there even a question as to whether or not this team sucks?

 
22.) Dolphins -1 – Richie Incognito is a fat A-hole and Jonathan Martin is a fat P. Everybody happy now?       

 
23.) Cardinals -8 – Houston at Arizona this week. I would rather go to a Tea Party rally with an Obama “Hope” T-shirt than watch that game.   

 
24.) Bills +1 – The Bills do just fine losing on their own. They don’t need F-ing referees like Ron Winter making crap calls and then upholding them after reviewing them on slow-motion replay.  

 

 

25.) Texans -3 – Houston was up 21-3 at halftime when Kubiak suffered a mild stroke. Imagine what happened when they told him the Texans ended up losing 27-24?      

 
26.) Eagles +2 – In honor of new head coach Chip Kelly, the Eagles will officially change their name to “The Philadelphia Man-Teets”. I wonder if Chip is lactating yet?

 
27.) Vikings -1 – Boring.

 
28.) Raiders -1 – Garbage.  

 
29.) Steelers NC – Get ready to taste the turf, Uselessberger. Mario Williams should have a big day (seeing as how he tends to show up only when he plays bad teams).    

 
30.) Giants NC – Truly the ball-bags of the NFL.

 
31.) Buccaneers NC – If the F#$%taneers and the #$%uars both remain winless, the recipient of next year’s 1st overall draft pick will be settled by head coaches from each team taking turns kicking each other in the balls until one forfeits.

                                       
32.) Jaguars NC – #$%uars.  
 
 
 

 

Friday, November 8, 2013

Episode 98



Click HERE To Listen!

 

Join the crew of The Sports Narrative Radio Show as they rapidly approach their 100th episode! On tonight's joint:

- An in-depth discussion on the broader impact of the Jonathan Martin/Richie Incognito story including what it says about society, football locker rooms, sports media and more

- We preview the upcoming weekend in college and pro football and give you all the latest news

- Feltman hi-jacks the show to talk about the only season where his beloved Cubbies have a chance: Hot Stove Season in Baseball

- Are the Dallas Mavericks moving in to Cowboys territory and stuck in mediocrity? A look at the NBA in the early going

All that and you the callers at (347)308-8637

Listen in LIVE Oct 7th 8-9:30 CST or anytime after via download at ITunes or www.thesportsnarrative.com

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Takeaways/Giveaways Week 9

by Jeff Bowers





















A Game-by-Game look at Week 9 in the NFL:

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes


 


Bengals 20 Dolphins 22

 
Takeaway: Luckily for the NFL, this will be the last game Richie Incognito ever plays. There is absolutely no excuse for what that guy did. Please don't blame the victim here and don't even try to call this "hazing." It is exactly this mentality in sports that allows athletes and coaches to be terrible human beings and get away with it. As we saw in the Penn State and Aaron Hernandez cases. Let's hope that Incognito also seeks help for his mental health issues. This is a failure at every level in that organization and must be addressed by the league.
 
Giveaway: A game ended on a safety in overtime on Halloween?! Genius, NFL. This is the Andy Dalton I am accustomed to seeing, solid numbers but missing on key plays. Just don't see this team getting out of the first round of the playoffs again. Losing Atkins hurts too.
 
 

Chiefs 23 Bills 13


Takeaway: Good teams, like good pitchers, find ways to win when they don't have their fastball. In this case, the Chiefs used their defense scoring 2 TDs to overcome the scrappy Bills. Still not sure this conservative offense can win a Super Bowl in today's NFL, but it will be competitive throughout.

Giveaway: I am impressed what HC Doug Marrone has done in his first season with the Bills. Once Manuel gets back, the arrow might actually be pointed up for Buffalo for the first time in a while. And though this has happened with various other coaches in recent history (pretty good first year, quick regression after), I think this time it MIGHT be different.


Falcons 10 Panthers 34


Takeaway: Matt Ryan is officially on the Tony Romo career path. Unless he starts putting up some playoff wins soon, the fan base is going to despise him. Granted, this is a lost season due to injuries and terrible Personnel decisions, but you must learn from this adversity and not let it sway your confidence.

Giveaway: After criticizing Cam early this season, I have been really impressed with his play the last few weeks. His Achilles heel is still trying to make a big play every play. Cam could really benefit from the Bill Parcells' school of quarterbacking for a few seasons. Let the game come to you, Superman!


Vikings 23 Cowboys 27


Takeaway: The Cowboys are absolutely maddening to watch. They have a ton of talent on offense, yet cannot seem to find any consistency. They have an odd mix on defense where the undrafted spares play great and the stars struggle outside of Sean Lee. They beat the bad teams and lose to the good ones. Their coach is conservative by nature, yet they throw the ball 87% of the time. This team needs an identity, which is the only thing Jerry can't buy.

Giveaway: Leslie Frazier is fired. The man I once deemed "the worst HC I've ever seen" 2 years ago got a reprieve due to a miraculous season by Adrian Peterson. It's time for the Vikings to clean house and start over. I recommend Jack Del Rio as your next HC and Brett Hundley as your next QB.


Saints 20 Jets 26


Takeaway: The battle of the brothers Ryan is just another case of match-ups over trends in the NFL. While virtually everything pointed to this game going the Saints way, the one weakness on the Saints offense, their O-line, and on the defense, their rush defense, are the two areas where the Jets excel. That's what makes the NFL fun!

Giveaway: The Geno Smith/Jets roller coaster continues. Getting destroyed on the road vs Cincinnati, then beating an explosive Saints team at home. With 5 wins at the bye, the Jets have a chance to win 9 or 10 as long as Geno continues to develop.


Titans 28 Rams 21


Takeaway: Two teams that have struggled running the ball all season managed 358 rushing yards combined in this game. Unfortunately I think that is a result of bad defense over good offense.

Giveaway: I love the Rams old yellow and blue throwbacks they wore for this game. They should go with that all the time. Now if we could only get them to move back to Los Angeles and redraft Eric Dickerson . . .


Chargers 24 Redskins 30


Takeaway: Don't look now, but the Redskins seem to be getting it together. In the terrible NFC East, all four teams have the opportunity to go on a run and make the post season. Though RGIII still is not back to spectacular, the defense is mildly improving and the running game with Morris is starting to gain traction. The Redskins haven't quite shown their asses yet.

Giveaway: As correctly stated by the all-powerful Tim the Dis-Enchanter, the Chargers truly are the Cowboys of the AFC. Terrible on the road, key mistakes late and terrible coaching and play-calling. Yep, that's about right.


Eagles 49 Raiders 20


Takeaway: Nick Foles is clearly the greatest QB in NFL history - when playing against air. The Raiders mounted exactly zero pressure on Foles, resulting in a near perfect and record tying game for the young Eagles QB. Meanwhile 1st round corner DJ Hayden looked like me out their trying to cover Philly's WRs

Giveaway: Not helping matters for the Raiders was the loss of both Pryor and McFadden. The latter is always hurt, so that is nothing new. Pryor is a bit more interesting. Having already missed a few games earlier in the year, the Raiders brass will have to decide if this guy can be their franchise QB and stay healthy enough to do so or is he just another Mike Vick, minus the dog killing, of course.


Buccaneers 24 Seahawks 27


Takeaway: The poor Bucs. They played their best game this season, got amazing performances from rookies Glennon and RB Mike James and still managed to lose. Schiano is super fired. But look for this team (with a new QB of course) to make a meteoric rise next year if they land a good coach. The talent is there.

Giveaway: Over the last few weeks, I have become less and less impressed with Seattle. Getting Harvin on the field will help tremendously, but this team's flaws along the O-line are debilitating. No team needs the #1 seed in the playoffs more than Seattle.

 

Ravens 18 Browns 24


Takeaway: As long as Brandon Weeden stays off the field, the Browns are unstoppable. Jason Campbell even managed to get Greg Little to hang on to the ball. The down side: in a year with at least five top flight QBs likely to be in the draft, the Browns keep winning and dropping their chances of landing one.

Giveaway: Every year it seems some team learns that you can't skimp on your O-line. Last year Dallas and Chicago learned that lesson. This year's candidates are Baltimore and Atlanta. Let's just hope the message is received.


Steelers 24 Patriots 55


Takeaway: This game proved that, with all his weapons, Tom Brady is still #1. Coupled with a stout running game from Ridley and soon a returning Vereen, don't count this Patriots team out for an extended run.

Giveaway: I know Troy Polamalu is supposed to be great and all, but that dude got torched Sunday. It looks as though he just free-lances and does whatever he wants on every play. And while I know he can be amazing at times, age and lack of discipline make him barely a break-even guy now.


Colts 27 Texans 24


Takeaway: This game was absolutely heart-breaking. The Texans played an amazing first half. Young QB Case Keenum was lights out, the Texans defense got lots of pressure on Luck and it looked like the Texans might actually salvage this season. Then, as the players left the field, HC Gary Kubiak went down. As we saw last season with the Saints, losing your play-caller on offense is devastating. And it was. Bummer.

Giveaway: I still don't know what to think about the Colts. Their O-line is terrible, yet Luck with time is fantastic. Richardson has been disappointing. Their best receiver is tiny and their defense is pretty average. And yet they keep winning. Hmmm


Bears 27 Packers 20


Takeaway: A game featuring a battle of backup QBs. Normally that is like watching paint dry, but this contest was quite compelling. The Bears Josh McCown acquitted himself well. So well, in fact, that Cutler is suddenly feeling much better. Nothing like a threat to make you heal faster.

Giveaway: Hats off to Bears HC Mark Trestman. Going for it on 4th down at your own 36 seems crazy. That's because it is. But you must admire the stones it takes to make that call. Need more of that in the NFL.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Happy November!

 

Click HERE To Listen!

 
 
 
The Sports Narrative Radio Show welcomes in the month of November the only way they know how: with lots of awesome sports talk! Join Jeff, Dustin, Darren, Feltman and The Mick for a fun-filled 90 minutes! On this episode:
 
- The crew recap the weekend's NFL action including a career-saving win for Jason Garrett
 
- Darren and Jeff detail the college football weekend including the big match-up between Florida State and Miami
 
- We wander into Mick's Pub and let The Mick talk to us about news, cars, video games and anything else he is interested in
 
- Dustin breaks down the early NBA action and raises his hopes for fans of the Mavericks
 
- We finish with news and notes from throughout the sports landscape
 
All that and you too at (347)308-8637
 
Tune in LIVE Monday November 4th from 8-9:30PM CST or anytime after via download on Itunes or at www.thesportsnarrative.com

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Week 9 Picks



The Sports Narrative Radio Show crew will each week be giving you all of our NFL picks against the spread. The person with the worst record at the end of the year OR if they finish behind both The Mick and Katie will be subjected to wearing a chosen costume at a January roadshow TBD. The costumes are as follows:
Jeff Bowers: dress as Ron Burgundy (with moustache!)
Dustin Copening: dress as a 70's basketball player (with nut-hugger shorts and red afro)
Jeff Feltman: dress in drag with blonde wig (not really a punishment?)
The Mick: dress in a full suit and pink tie
Katie: dress as Wonder Woman
Darren Boyd: Winner's pick (very, very risky)
 
 
Here's this week's picks. Good Luck!
 
Column1 Column2 Column3 Column4 Column5 Column6 Column7
Game Katie The Mick Darren Feltman Dustin Jeff
Cincinnati (-3) at Miami Cin Cin Mia Cin Cin Cin
Atlanta at Carolina (-7.5) Atl Car Car Atl Car Car
Minnesota at Dallas (-10.5) Dal Dal Min Min Dal Min
New Orleans (-6) at NY Jets NO NO NO NO NO NYJ
Tennessee (-3) at St Louis Tenn Tenn Tenn Tenn Tenn Tenn
Kansas City (-3.5) at Buffalo KC KC KC KC KC KC
San Diego (-1) at Washington SD Wash Wash Wash Wash SD
Philadelphia at Oakland (-2.5) Phil Oak Oak Phil Oak Oak
Tampa Bay at Seattle (-16.5) Sea Sea TB Sea Sea Sea
Baltimore (-2.5) at Cleveland Balt Clev Balt Balt Balt Clev
Pittsburgh at New England (-6.5) NE NE NE NE Pitt Pitt
Indianapolis (-2.5) at Houston Hou Indy Indy Indy Indy Indy
Chicago at Green Bay (-10.5) GB GB GB GB GB GB
Last Week 7-6 9-4 7-6 6-7 4-9 7-6
Overall 61-57-2 61-57-2 60-58-2 58-60-2 54-64-2 49-69-2

Dallas Cowboys Pre-Game Show: Week 9

 

Click HERE TO Listen!


Get ready to fall back early in the AM, and use that extra hour you gained by listening to Dustin Copening and Jeff Bowers on The Sports Narrative's Dallas Cowboys Pre Game Show.

The Cowboys and their fans learned a lesson in chicken counting last Sunday afternoon, as the Lions engineered a remarkable comeback win in the final minute and two seconds of the ballgame.

Dustin and Jeff will recap that debacle and also take a look at where the Cowboys stand at the season's halfway point, and what if anything can happen in the final 8 games to cost head coach Jason Garrett his job.

Up next is the 1-6 Minnesota Vikings. In the "Coach's Slant", Bowers breaks out his chalkboard and we hear from play callers from both teams to get a feel for the X's and O's in this matchup.

Then Dustin and Jeff take you inside the numbers to reveal what the statistics tell us should happen on the field, and to hear from the key players involved.

Finally, the guys reveal who they think will walk out of AT&T Stadium the winner on Sunday afternoon, as well as take a look at what the rest of the NFC East is doing in Week 9, and a few other games of intrigue.

Tune in, call in, and send your feedback on Twitter to @dfwfanconnect, and @sportsnarrative