Monday, March 4, 2013

Bottom of the Bottle with The Mick



Hey! What are you doing? It’s your old pal The Mick here hoping this blog makes the cut. I have two that didn’t make the cut since they were a little “dark” or “evil”. So, I’m gonna bring a little happy, happy joy, joy. BUT, I gotta vent a bit first. If you are a bartender and a fight breaks out STAY BEHIND THE F_ING BAR AND LET YOUR BOUNCER DO HIS JOB!!!!!! Okay I feel a little better. Wait, no I don’t. If you’re in a bar and a fight breaks out STAY THE @#$% OUT OF IT AND LET THE BOUNCER DO HIS JOB!!!!!!! Okay, now I feel better. Now, I wanna talk a little about Jesus.

When I sent the title idea for my blog to Jeff I could hear the “oh, no!” For Jeff, it’s not gonna be that bad. You see I have noticed that the apocalypse is coming and we need to get ready for Jesus. According to the rumors he will be joining us for dinner so we need to shine the silver. Maybe not the silver, it may be too soon for that, but get some new dishes for sure.

Russia got hit by a meteor, which it’s not surprising that they got hit really since those MFers are meteor magnets! Does the name Tunguska ring a bell? At about the same time a big chunk of solar system’s leftovers came floating by aiming at cell satellites. Which, if it had hit just one of those bad boys all hell would’ve broken out and plunged a portion of the population back into the 1990’s. “Oh God! I can’t Tweet and drive! Why should I continue living?!?” Boom! Crash! And the world has one less douche in a Prius. Then, the Pope (who I like to call Pe Po) resigns. On an interesting side note, according to CNN he is the first retired Pope to leave Vatican City by helicopter. Yeah I know, amazing reporting by our trusted media outlets here in America where no detail can escape their watchful eye. Except for all the important ones. To top it off Star Wars and Star Trek are going to have the same director (Yikes!)

Now for these reasons, I think the end times are nigh. And if that’s not enough to convince you, my neighbor came outside; brace yourselves my friends, in clothes!!! A little back story on that, my neighbor usually comes outside in nightgowns. Nightgowns and nothing else, no underwear, no teeth, no shame, no nothing. It is enough to make a lesser man gay. And any change to that means my prayers are being answered and that is a VERY bad sign.

The point is that the apocalypse is a change of times and, like Jesus, I believe will be a personal experience. But since most people need giant explosions to execute even one second of personal contemplation, everyone might wanna look the hell out. Couple this with the house fire and my other neighbor being carried off in a meat wagon and you have yourself some dark times. Sh*t be gettin’ real, folks. My advice is to go to church. Or not. That’s totally up to you. But take one second today to appreciate all the awesome crap our society has given us. And if your life sucks right now, go work hard and make it suck a little less for someone else today. With that, I will leave you with a passage that I think will give you some hope.

“Wisdom is expressed in words, but usually found when you f--k up.”

            -The Book of The Mick

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