Tuesday, August 28, 2012

From The Bottom Of The Bottle


Tony Scott, brother of producer Ridley Scott died Sunday after jumping from a bridge. Police found a suicide note inside his Prius, yet they are still investigating his death as a suicide. This is the point when I’m left with a quandary.  Do I go with the suicide note joke first? Or do I go on a rant about the police investigation? So after an exhaustive coin toss and a shot I’ve decided to give you a “choose you own adventure” style article. But since you can’t turn the page and keep your place with finger telling the spirits in your room that you didn’t cheat. Instead you get 1, 2, and 3 so just cover the paragraphs in order and enjoy.


1: Suicide Note

The pattern is full. I’m coming Goose!!!!

Good bye cruel world.




2: You Died


3: Police

Dear LAPD,
This is real life, not one of the better Scott’s movies. The note wasn’t forged, there is no conspiracy, and there is no rogue cop in your squad that is ‘gonna bust this case wide open.’ That guy doesn’t exist, sorry. If you have an alcoholic cop with emotional issues he is only good at beating his wife and getting fired not finding that tiny piece of evidence that doesn’t exist. Tony Scott killed himself. Case closed. Stop wasting what little money your city has left. The dude directed 26 films and drove a Prius of course he took a swan dive without an exit strategy. It’s the green way to kill yourself, as long as you don’t obstruct traffic. Tired of your life? Give it to the water! You’ll feed the fish and nourish the plants. So thank you Mister Scott for erasing a little of our carbon footprint.

No comments:

Post a Comment