The Sports Narrative at Night

Due to the holiday rush, the Sports Narrative Podcast is moving to PRIMETIME, BABY! Join Jeff, The Mick and special contributor Dustin Copening of DFWFanConnection.com as they talk NFL, college football and all the other goings-on in sports and touch on pop culture as well. So keep your ears listening for fun and frivolity!

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/kjyhc6/TSNatNight11-29.mp3

Week 12 Stink Rankings

Week Twelve Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter 

 

1.) Patriots +8 They have once again cheated their way to the top. You cannot play that tightly without inside information – it’s as if they’re inside the huddle. The Patriots are a very good team who also cheat. 

2.) Texans +2 On the one hand, I see another lackluster win that should have come easy. On the other, I see another gritty “Git-R-Done” overtime win. They really aren’t that good, but they are winning games thanks to stupid mistakes by their opponents.

3.) 69ers +5 Copernicus should immediately replace Smith at QB.

4.) Falcons NC Matty Yikes’ face is looking more and more like that of a wax statue with that absurdly orange fake tan.

5.) Bears -4 Cu*tler’s return will answer the questions raised about Da Bears after that embarrassing loss to Copernicus and the 69ers.

6.) Packers -2 Aaron Rodgers moves ahead of Philip Rivers this week in the “Douchiest Quarterbacks of all time” list. Yes, “douchiest” is a word. It’s a word because I said so, and I have granted myself authority to create words since 1986. 

7.) Ravens -2 The Ravens are definitely in the top 5 teams who can guarantee a boring game. I nominate them for the #2 spot behind the Browns.

8.) Redskins +5 Mr. Griffin is a winner. He shows great poise and he is leading the Redskins to the Playoffs.

9.) Giants -3 The G-men had better get it together fast after choking in Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.

10.) Saints +1 Saints/69ers tomorrow should be the game of the week. I’m sure CBS will air the Titans/Jaguars instead. They’ll do this because they are a**holes. And now you know.

11.) Broncos -4 The sickening alliance between egocentric meat-head Manning and “14 cent-per-pizza-apocalypse” John Schnatter continues to ferment. Soon they will announce their plan to run for President and VP in 2016. Thanks Papa.

12.) Seahawks -2 Boring.

13.) Steelers NC Douchelessbagger.

14.) Lions +5 Donkey Kong Sue kicked Matt Schaub in the balls on national TV on Thanksgiving. God bless America, my home sweet home.

15.) Dolphins -1 Reggie Bush is poised for another 20 yard rushing day in Seattle.

16.) Vikings NC Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

17.) Buccaneers NC Bucs beat the Falcons tomorrow in a shocker upset.

18.) Rams NC The Rams should scoop up a nice road victory tomorrow against the Cardinals.

19.) Bills +4 The Bills need to watch out for that black hole that orbits Andrew Luck’s face that he refers to as a “mouth”. If you get too close to it, you can be drawn into its inescapable gravitational pull and condensed into a singularity. If mucus and sweat are running into it before halftime, the Bills could have a long day in Indy. 

20.) Cardinals NC Los pinche Cardinalos esta el stinko!

21.) Panthers NC – Irrelevant. Newton is the poster boy for the spoiled, entitled, and narcissistic youth of today.

22.) Cowboys -10 Dear Jerry, Keeping Tony Romo around is further evidence of your utter incompetence as a General Manager. PS: Dez is not “all that and a bag of chips” either. More like a half eaten sandwich plucked from a dumpster and covered with ants, without any chips.  

23.) Bengals +1 It is annoying having to think of something to say about teams like the Bengals week in and week out. Next week the Stink Rankings may only include 31 teams.

24.) Jets -2 Nice face-plant into the meaty ass of your Offensive Lineman, Sanchez. “We’re gonna incorporate Tebow into the offense”, “We’re not gonna use Tebow”, “We’re gonna incorporate Tebow into the offense”, “We’re not gonna use Tebow”. Gee, what has gone so awry in New York? Hmmm... why, whatever could it be? Hmmm…

25.) Eagles NC The story of the Eagle’s season: “NC”. How has it all gone so terribly wrong?

26.) Colts NC Andrew Luck’s mouth is like a Chinese restaurant on Christmas: Guaranteed to be open.

27.) Chargers NC Hey Rivers, where is your god now?

28.) Raiders NC I just got a headache thinking about the Raiders.

29.) Browns +1 Browns pull off a shocker and defeat Pittsburgh tomorrow. Make sure you tell all of your buddies that you heard it first on America’s most trusted source for football insight: The Stink Rankings.

30.) Titans -1 The Titans officially change their name to the Tennessee Drooling Idiots next year.

31.) Jaguars NC Way to choke in Houston, Chokuars.

32.) Chiefs NC The team should disband, the stadium should be bull-dozed, and all evidence of a team called “the Chiefs” should be eliminated. Let us never speak of this again.

Live Show #4

Hope everyone had a joyous and gluttonous Thanksgiving!

Join Jeff and Darren as we preview the weekend in sports, make some terrible NFL picks against the spread and feature our namesake segment "The Narrative" on college football rivalries.

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/zwvh9r/11-23.mp3

Bottom of the Bottle

Bottom of the Bottle

by The Mick

Hey it’s your old pal The Mick feeling all stuffed and sleepy. It is Thanksgiving and time for food, football, and naps. For the past 73 and 46 years respectively, we have watched the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys football. I know I’m not supposed to talk sports in my blog, but, it’s tradition on this day. I remember as a kid we used to eat and play during the Lions game and sit around the TV and watch the Boys. I have so many good memories of family and laughter, but, not so much the food. Today, however, times have changed and while the food was much better today (thanks mom) I have yet to laugh.

So let’s talk football. I’ve heard a lot about how the game has gone to s*!t. People complain about the new rules and that it’s going to be flag football in the next 5 years. I admit that I’m among them, but, what irks me is that the league says it wants to protect the players and that’s why they have the new rules. I’m good with that. My question is this, if you want to protect the players, where are the pads? I remember as a kid all levels, from high school to the pros, players wore more pads. If you want players to live longer, cover them better. Thigh pads, hip and tailbone pads and flak jackets would save players careers. Only a couple of players today have thigh protection and that is nuts, especially since the league has “lowered the tackle target”. After about 5 seconds online I found about half a dozen light weight impact resistant polymers and places to buy it for cheap shaped anyway I want. I guess Roger Goodell has never heard of Google. It’s a quick fix that will have little to no effect on the game. Some players may lose half a step with the extra weight and restriction, but like Marines, they will adapt and overcome (Heartbreak Ridge).

Now as far as the rules go, three letters, XFL. Yeah, do you remember that load of crap? If not, let me remind you. Vince McMahon, the wrestling guy, decided to start a football league that was chalked full of good ideas. Seriously, on paper this s#!t was brilliant. Players had two pay rates depending on if they won or not. BRILLIANT! The biggest thing was the bump and run. That’s where they did away with pass interference and destroyed the game. You see if you have a free-for-all every time the ball is thrown then nobody catches it. If no one can catch the ball, then you run it. While the running game is very important, it becomes boring. What McMahon did was make a stop and go rugby. WHICH IS HORRIBLE! Rugby is awesome because it is fast paced and brutal and needs to come to American TV.

Now, another Thanksgiving tradition we used to have was to draw secret Santa. So here’s my Christmas wish: I want rugby. We need sevens in America and now would be the perfect time to bring it. Hockey is done, football is in distress and sports fans are open to something new. As long as the rules don’t get changed rugby could very well become the most popular sport in America. The season could be during the hockey season or football off season it could be perfect. Just name me commissioner and I think we’ve got something.

Don’t forget the show is now live and daily. 1PM to 2PM CST. Here’s all the links and have a happy, healthy and gluttonous Thanksgiving, everybody:

 

For the live show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thesportsnarrative or call in (347) 308-8637

For the podcast and blog:

www.thesportsnarrative.com

Live Show #3

On today's one hour live show, Jeff and The Mick establish their new Wednesday format called "The Sports Landscape." Each week they will take a broader look at the world of sports as a whole in an NPR-type discussion format. In addition, The Mick cleanses us from the sports world briefly in a segment called "The Entertainment Enema" Enjoy!

I. First 15 - brief look at the sports news of the day

II. The Entertainment Enema - featuring The Mick

III. The Sports Landscape - The state and future of the NFL

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/iikukb/11-21.mp3

College Football Round-Up

On today's 1 hour extravaganza, Jeff and Darren wrap up the weekend in college football and peruse the rest of the sports world as well. Join us tomorrow for "The Sports Landscape" when we take a broader and more in-depth look at the state and future of the NFL. And join us on the air with your comments via email thesportsnarrative@gmail.com or twitter @sportsnarrative or by calling in live from 1 PM to 2 PM CST at (347) 308-8637. Thanks!

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/c5e7ix/college-football-tuesday.mp3

Our First Live Show!

Live from New York, It's Monday Afternoon!!! Very excited for the first new 1 hour show format. Jeff, Darren and The Mick discuss this weekend's NFL action game by game and preview tonight's Monday Night match-up. Give us a listen or jump in on the show yourself weekdays at 1PM CST.

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/dbwm89/show_4040603.mp3