The Sports Narrative at Night

Due to the holiday rush, the Sports Narrative Podcast is moving to PRIMETIME, BABY! Join Jeff, The Mick and special contributor Dustin Copening of DFWFanConnection.com as they talk NFL, college football and all the other goings-on in sports and touch on pop culture as well. So keep your ears listening for fun and frivolity!

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/kjyhc6/TSNatNight11-29.mp3

Week 12 Stink Rankings

Week Twelve Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter 

 

1.) Patriots +8 They have once again cheated their way to the top. You cannot play that tightly without inside information – it’s as if they’re inside the huddle. The Patriots are a very good team who also cheat. 

2.) Texans +2 On the one hand, I see another lackluster win that should have come easy. On the other, I see another gritty “Git-R-Done” overtime win. They really aren’t that good, but they are winning games thanks to stupid mistakes by their opponents.

3.) 69ers +5 Copernicus should immediately replace Smith at QB.

4.) Falcons NC Matty Yikes’ face is looking more and more like that of a wax statue with that absurdly orange fake tan.

5.) Bears -4 Cu*tler’s return will answer the questions raised about Da Bears after that embarrassing loss to Copernicus and the 69ers.

6.) Packers -2 Aaron Rodgers moves ahead of Philip Rivers this week in the “Douchiest Quarterbacks of all time” list. Yes, “douchiest” is a word. It’s a word because I said so, and I have granted myself authority to create words since 1986. 

7.) Ravens -2 The Ravens are definitely in the top 5 teams who can guarantee a boring game. I nominate them for the #2 spot behind the Browns.

8.) Redskins +5 Mr. Griffin is a winner. He shows great poise and he is leading the Redskins to the Playoffs.

9.) Giants -3 The G-men had better get it together fast after choking in Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.

10.) Saints +1 Saints/69ers tomorrow should be the game of the week. I’m sure CBS will air the Titans/Jaguars instead. They’ll do this because they are a**holes. And now you know.

11.) Broncos -4 The sickening alliance between egocentric meat-head Manning and “14 cent-per-pizza-apocalypse” John Schnatter continues to ferment. Soon they will announce their plan to run for President and VP in 2016. Thanks Papa.

12.) Seahawks -2 Boring.

13.) Steelers NC Douchelessbagger.

14.) Lions +5 Donkey Kong Sue kicked Matt Schaub in the balls on national TV on Thanksgiving. God bless America, my home sweet home.

15.) Dolphins -1 Reggie Bush is poised for another 20 yard rushing day in Seattle.

16.) Vikings NC Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

17.) Buccaneers NC Bucs beat the Falcons tomorrow in a shocker upset.

18.) Rams NC The Rams should scoop up a nice road victory tomorrow against the Cardinals.

19.) Bills +4 The Bills need to watch out for that black hole that orbits Andrew Luck’s face that he refers to as a “mouth”. If you get too close to it, you can be drawn into its inescapable gravitational pull and condensed into a singularity. If mucus and sweat are running into it before halftime, the Bills could have a long day in Indy. 

20.) Cardinals NC Los pinche Cardinalos esta el stinko!

21.) Panthers NC – Irrelevant. Newton is the poster boy for the spoiled, entitled, and narcissistic youth of today.

22.) Cowboys -10 Dear Jerry, Keeping Tony Romo around is further evidence of your utter incompetence as a General Manager. PS: Dez is not “all that and a bag of chips” either. More like a half eaten sandwich plucked from a dumpster and covered with ants, without any chips.  

23.) Bengals +1 It is annoying having to think of something to say about teams like the Bengals week in and week out. Next week the Stink Rankings may only include 31 teams.

24.) Jets -2 Nice face-plant into the meaty ass of your Offensive Lineman, Sanchez. “We’re gonna incorporate Tebow into the offense”, “We’re not gonna use Tebow”, “We’re gonna incorporate Tebow into the offense”, “We’re not gonna use Tebow”. Gee, what has gone so awry in New York? Hmmm... why, whatever could it be? Hmmm…

25.) Eagles NC The story of the Eagle’s season: “NC”. How has it all gone so terribly wrong?

26.) Colts NC Andrew Luck’s mouth is like a Chinese restaurant on Christmas: Guaranteed to be open.

27.) Chargers NC Hey Rivers, where is your god now?

28.) Raiders NC I just got a headache thinking about the Raiders.

29.) Browns +1 Browns pull off a shocker and defeat Pittsburgh tomorrow. Make sure you tell all of your buddies that you heard it first on America’s most trusted source for football insight: The Stink Rankings.

30.) Titans -1 The Titans officially change their name to the Tennessee Drooling Idiots next year.

31.) Jaguars NC Way to choke in Houston, Chokuars.

32.) Chiefs NC The team should disband, the stadium should be bull-dozed, and all evidence of a team called “the Chiefs” should be eliminated. Let us never speak of this again.

Live Show #4

Hope everyone had a joyous and gluttonous Thanksgiving!

Join Jeff and Darren as we preview the weekend in sports, make some terrible NFL picks against the spread and feature our namesake segment "The Narrative" on college football rivalries.

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/zwvh9r/11-23.mp3

Bottom of the Bottle

Bottom of the Bottle

by The Mick

Hey it’s your old pal The Mick feeling all stuffed and sleepy. It is Thanksgiving and time for food, football, and naps. For the past 73 and 46 years respectively, we have watched the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys football. I know I’m not supposed to talk sports in my blog, but, it’s tradition on this day. I remember as a kid we used to eat and play during the Lions game and sit around the TV and watch the Boys. I have so many good memories of family and laughter, but, not so much the food. Today, however, times have changed and while the food was much better today (thanks mom) I have yet to laugh.

So let’s talk football. I’ve heard a lot about how the game has gone to s*!t. People complain about the new rules and that it’s going to be flag football in the next 5 years. I admit that I’m among them, but, what irks me is that the league says it wants to protect the players and that’s why they have the new rules. I’m good with that. My question is this, if you want to protect the players, where are the pads? I remember as a kid all levels, from high school to the pros, players wore more pads. If you want players to live longer, cover them better. Thigh pads, hip and tailbone pads and flak jackets would save players careers. Only a couple of players today have thigh protection and that is nuts, especially since the league has “lowered the tackle target”. After about 5 seconds online I found about half a dozen light weight impact resistant polymers and places to buy it for cheap shaped anyway I want. I guess Roger Goodell has never heard of Google. It’s a quick fix that will have little to no effect on the game. Some players may lose half a step with the extra weight and restriction, but like Marines, they will adapt and overcome (Heartbreak Ridge).

Now as far as the rules go, three letters, XFL. Yeah, do you remember that load of crap? If not, let me remind you. Vince McMahon, the wrestling guy, decided to start a football league that was chalked full of good ideas. Seriously, on paper this s#!t was brilliant. Players had two pay rates depending on if they won or not. BRILLIANT! The biggest thing was the bump and run. That’s where they did away with pass interference and destroyed the game. You see if you have a free-for-all every time the ball is thrown then nobody catches it. If no one can catch the ball, then you run it. While the running game is very important, it becomes boring. What McMahon did was make a stop and go rugby. WHICH IS HORRIBLE! Rugby is awesome because it is fast paced and brutal and needs to come to American TV.

Now, another Thanksgiving tradition we used to have was to draw secret Santa. So here’s my Christmas wish: I want rugby. We need sevens in America and now would be the perfect time to bring it. Hockey is done, football is in distress and sports fans are open to something new. As long as the rules don’t get changed rugby could very well become the most popular sport in America. The season could be during the hockey season or football off season it could be perfect. Just name me commissioner and I think we’ve got something.

Don’t forget the show is now live and daily. 1PM to 2PM CST. Here’s all the links and have a happy, healthy and gluttonous Thanksgiving, everybody:

 

For the live show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thesportsnarrative or call in (347) 308-8637

For the podcast and blog:

www.thesportsnarrative.com

Live Show #3

On today's one hour live show, Jeff and The Mick establish their new Wednesday format called "The Sports Landscape." Each week they will take a broader look at the world of sports as a whole in an NPR-type discussion format. In addition, The Mick cleanses us from the sports world briefly in a segment called "The Entertainment Enema" Enjoy!

I. First 15 - brief look at the sports news of the day

II. The Entertainment Enema - featuring The Mick

III. The Sports Landscape - The state and future of the NFL

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/iikukb/11-21.mp3

College Football Round-Up

On today's 1 hour extravaganza, Jeff and Darren wrap up the weekend in college football and peruse the rest of the sports world as well. Join us tomorrow for "The Sports Landscape" when we take a broader and more in-depth look at the state and future of the NFL. And join us on the air with your comments via email thesportsnarrative@gmail.com or twitter @sportsnarrative or by calling in live from 1 PM to 2 PM CST at (347) 308-8637. Thanks!

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/c5e7ix/college-football-tuesday.mp3

Our First Live Show!

Live from New York, It's Monday Afternoon!!! Very excited for the first new 1 hour show format. Jeff, Darren and The Mick discuss this weekend's NFL action game by game and preview tonight's Monday Night match-up. Give us a listen or jump in on the show yourself weekdays at 1PM CST.

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/dbwm89/show_4040603.mp3

Stink Rankings

Week Eleven Stink Rankings

 

By Tim the Dis-Enchanter

 

1.) Bears á1 – Cu*tler was flattened in a dirty hit. Texans win, but the Bears are a better team who lost a strong 4^th quarter QB to a cheap hit.

 

2.) Packers á1 – Aaron Rodgers makes full use of the Bye Week to make some more sh*tty commercials.  

 

3.) Texans á1 – I’m certain your fans are all leading the chorus of remarks besmirching Roger Goodell and the NFL for the penalty and fine on Dobbins for the dirty cheap hit on Cu*tler.   

 

4.) Falcons á1 - I finally pick them to win and they lose. Matt Ryan should consider taking a day or two off from tanning. He’s starting to look like one of those douche-bag Gotti kids from that miserable television show.    

 

5.) Ravens á6 - They absolutely murdered the Raiders, destroyed their bloody shirts and got away with it by intimidating the witnesses.

 

6.) Giants â5 – Way to choke in Cincinnati.

 

7.) Broncos á2 – Peyton Manning and the Papa John’s Guy officially come out of the closet and get married in Maine. Peyton is still a giant douche and Papa’s pizzas still taste like hot vomit on cardboard. Thanks Papa.

 

8.) 69ers â2 – Tragically, Alex Smith left the game with a concussion just as he was about to move ahead of Ryan Leaf in the statistics chart.

 

9.) Patriots â2 – You should have lost to the floundering Bills. A mistake by a rookie wide receiver in the last 20 seconds of the game resulting in a win does nothing to make the Pukeriots look the least bit intimidating.

 

10.) Seahawks â2 – Seattle’s quarterback look great against the Jets, whoever he is.   

 

11.) Saints á8 – They are still cleaning the brown smears of Matt Ryan’s fake tan off the turf in the Superdome.

 

12.) Cowboys á5 – The Cowboys mauled the Eagles. Can they win another one?

 

13.) Steelers â3 – Rapistberger narrowly squeaked out a win against the Junior Varsity Chiefs. Then almost died.

 

14.) Dolphins â2 – The Dolphins have ended up in cans of tuna the last two games.

 

15.) Redskins â2 – Either they had a bye week, or else I just didn’t look that hard to find the score of whatever game they might have played. I guess we’ll never know.

 

16.) Vikings NC – Way to put the Lions in their place.

 

17.) Buccaneers á1 – They’re awesome because they beat the Chargers.

 

18.) Rams á4 – The Rams keep getting better. Kicking San Francisco in the nuts with that tie was gratifying.

 

19.) Lions â4 – The wheels have fallen off just in time for the Lions to roll over and get stuffed by the Texans on Thanksgiving. Sorry for the graphic image.

 

20.) Cardinals NC – Such a stupid mascot for an NFL franchise. How about the Arizona Right-Wing Nut-jobs? Now there’s a scary mascot!

 

21.) Panthers NC – Who?

 

22.) Jets â8 – Te-Bow! Te-Bow! Te-Bow!

 

23.) Bills á6 – They suck at 4 – 6, but they beat the Dolphins, so for one week in Buffalo the clouds have parted and a little ray of sunshine has pierced through. Screw you Marino.

 

24.) Bengals â1 – Who cares.

 

25.) Eagles â1 – Cry Eagles, cry!

 

26.) Colts â1 – Andrew Luck’s disgusting mouth hanging open every Sunday is preventing us from winning the war on terror.

 

27.) Chargers â1 - Bad

 

28.) Raiders â1- Worse

 

29.) Titans â1- Horrible

 

30.) Browns NC – Abysmal

 

31.) Jaguars NC - Useless

 

32.) Chiefs NC – Irrelevant

Bottom of the Bottle

Bottom of the Bottle

from The Mick

It’s your old pal The Mick back again. While waiting on the results of a culture, a REAL important culture I’ve come to realize I am a very angry person. What if this bacterial experiment I’m growing in my body is fatal? My adult life has been spent trying to avoid contributing to the creation of Cap’n Tripps and it might be my undoing. Of course, on the other side of the coin, since I run from antibiotics like a Scientologist from reason, the pills could work better. In all reality, it’s probably just a run of the mill staph infection and I get to enjoy twenty days of constipation. Yay!

Speaking of painful stool, what the f@#k is the world’s obsession with Kristin Stewart? She looks, sounds, and acts like every West Side crack whore I’ve ever met. Yes, I have met a LOT of crack whores. No, that’s not where the infection came from. But, I digress, everyone seems to love this greasy haired, dead eyed, emotion free skank that evokes less feelings than Wilson. WILSON!!!!!!! I tried to find some other movies she was in and the only one I had seen was Jumper and I don’t remember her. So in a forgettable movie she got lost. Even Samuel L. Jackson sucked in that film.

Okay, I had an idea for an entertainment related second issue, but television has changed that. The Civil War was not about slavery per se. If you want to throw a blanket term over the whole affair, it would be taxation. It was voted on, by the congress that a slave would count as three fifths of a person for representation. So your Yankee superiority is shot out of the water right there. In fact, they were contemplating ending slavery in the beginning of the nation, but, decided it wasn’t the time. So, you have slavery going on for almost a hundred years because they hadn’t gotten around to ending it yet and while we have them they won’t count as a full person. The last straw was that slaves were taxed as a full person, and land taxes were raised, cotton taxes were raised along with salt. Imagine that, taxation without proper representation started a war. Strange, I know.

Man I wish I could remember what I was going to write about. It would’ve tied in with an infection and Kristin Stewart. I know it’s not a far jump; the magic would be in the third subject. But, no. I lost the thought thanks to The History Channel spewing out crap. It’s similar to the crap coming from my wound and Kristin Steward’s acting ability.

Holy s#!t, I did it!

Episode #11

On this week's episode of The Sports Narrative Podcast, Jeff and The Mick break down an exciting weekend in college and pro football, highlight the famous Heidi Bowl between the Jets and Raiders, talk James Bond and all things entertainment, preview the college basketball season and then make some horrible NFL Picks.

I. NFL Recaps

II. The Narrative - Heidi Bowl

III. College Football Round-up

IV. Entertainment Enema w/ The Mick

V. The Sports Landscape

VI. Awful NFL Picks

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/rth4ne/Podcast12.mp3

Week Ten Stink Rankings

Week Ten Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter 

 

In lieu of the usual demeaning commentary, I thought I’d share some reflections on the Bills vs. Texans game from last Sunday since I was fortunate enough to see it up close and personal.

 There we were in a King Privacy room on the 26^th floor of the Hyatt Regency in downtown Houston. The city was beautiful and to my amazement, dwarfed the DFW Metroplex in size. We didn’t go to the game at Reliant Stadium under any illusions that the Bills would defeat the mighty Texans, but from our seats on the 45 yard line in the front row, we were excited to be so close to my home team. Honestly, the Bills played well. Fitzpatrick did not turn the ball over until garbage time in the last 2 minutes out of desperation. Spiller and Jackson did not see many touches, but with man-to-man match-ups on the wide-outs, I expected to see the Bills throw the ball the majority of the time. In a nutshell: not finishing drives put the game out of reach. The Bills were in the Red Zone at least 4 times and came away with 3 field goals for 9 points. The Texans were in the Red Zone 4 times and came away with 3 touchdowns for 21 points. End of story. I might have gone for it on 4^th and 1 from the 2 yard line if I were Chan, since the season is on the line and you are playing the number one team in the AFC on the road, but otherwise I did not see too much that displeased me. As usual, the Defense was good for about 3 quarters before coughing up big plays. Incidentally, Aaron Williams single-handedly cost the Bills every single one of those big plays. He was terrible – no – he was abysmal. I know that technically this is his ‘rookie’ season since he was out on injury all of last year, but come on – Williams should be getting the hang of it by now.

 Well, there were certainly no surprises from the Bills last Sunday. – Unless, of course, you count Mario Williams getting a sack and playing generally well for 60 minutes. There was one surprise in Reliant Stadium last Sunday other than Mario Williams, and that was the Texans fans. What a bunch of rude braggart assholes. We were constantly taunted in the stadium and it very nearly ruined the entire experience for us. The Cowboys fans were urbane and cordial compared to these obnoxious drunken pricks. In particular, there was one loud mouth fan that I would like to address.

 You were sitting in Section 128; right around the 7^th or 8^th row and just about in seat number 10 or so. I have no idea who you are, but at least 3 entire sections were wishing that you would die by Halftime. We listened to your vulgar, taunting screams and jeers at the Bills players and fans around you for the entire 60 minutes of the game. Not one single time did I hear you cheer for the Texans. You found it far more gratifying to scream obscenities at opposing team’s players and fans as you slowly pickled in Bud Lite. Thanks for ruining the experience you piece of dog sh*t. Every time the police officers walked by on the sidelines, I was fantasizing that they would pull out one of those old-school tasers (you know, the ones that fire the two piercing contacts into your skin) and shoot you right in the face. In my elaborate fantasy, one contact would shoot right into the meat of your eyeball, and the other contact would punch through the greenish toned skin of your cheek and sink deep into the flesh of your tongue. With both contacts set, the officer could then send a million volts into your face, cooking your eyeball like a hard-boiled egg while your mustache burst into flames and you shit your pants. For the rest of your life you’d have to walk around blind in one eye, and with a pronounced speech impediment from the nerve damage in your tongue. When anyone asked you what in the hell happened, you would reply, “I wuth an athole at a Thexans game and thum cop tathed my fathe.” Believe me, I understand why you felt so empowered to behave the way you did; there were 80,000 other people who had your back. A markedly different scenario than when you’re at work and someone says, “Hey a**hole break’s over -now let’s get the rest of this furniture in the truck!” and you have to force a smile and bite your tongue as you butt out your cigarette and go back for the rest of the dining room table. You see, I totally understand why you hate the world. It’s just a shame that you had to ruin the game-day experience for other people while you poured that rage out on the Bills players and fans. You were a black eye on an otherwise beautiful city. I can only hope that maybe someday you will either come to see what a selfish cocksucker you are, or else fall asleep with a lit cigarette. Either way, I’ll be rooting against the Texans for the rest of the season. Thank you. Now here's this week's rankings:

 

 1.) Giants NC

 

2.) Bears á2

 

3.) Packers â1  

 

4.) Texans â1

 

5.) Falcons á1   

 

6.) 69ers á1

 

7.) Patriots á1

 

8.) Seahawks  á1  

 

9.) Broncos â4

 

10.) Steelers á3

 

11.) Ravens  á1  

 

12.) Dolphins â2

 

13.) Redskins â2

 

14.) Jets â1

 

15.) Lions á1

 

16.) Vikings á2

 

17.) Cowboys â3  

 

18.) Buccaneers á1  

 

19.) Saints á6

 

20.) Cardinals NC

 

21.) Panthers á2

 

22.) Rams â1

 

23.) Bengals â1  

 

24.) Eagles â7

 

25.) Colts á2

 

26.) Chargers â2

 

27.) Raiders â1

 

28.) Titans NC

 

29.) Bills NC

 

30.) Browns NC

 

31.) Jaguars NC

 

32.) Chiefs NC

 

Bottom of the Bottle

from The Mick

 

 

 

Hey it’s your old pal The Mick. I was asked to give you a review of Halo 4. I don’t have an Xbox and I’ve never played Halo. I am well aware that it has a character named Master Chief and he has returned. So that tells me that he has been missing for two games which is how you define a game icon. So here is everything you want to know about Halo 4. http://www.g4tv.com/search/?q=halo4. Alright let’s bust into a couple of things that I want to address.

First, I am tired of hearing about Super Storm Sandy. The East Coast got hit by a category 1 hurricane that hung around because of a low pressure system. Last time I checked “1” is the lowest rating for hurricanes. Now I’m not unsympathetic. People died, sewers overflowed, and animals were displaced. All of this is very sad and donations should be made to help ease the economic strain (www.redcross.org ). Overall, I don’t care.

Second, the damned election. Once a leap year we line up at high schools and courthouses to stand in a booth and color in boxes for a sticker. Unfortunately, the sticker is the only substantial result of voting. Unless it’s a local election your vote doesn’t count. The president is picked by an electoral college which makes about as much sense as BCS standings. It’s old, broken and corrupt, just like the government as a whole. Overall, I don’t care.

Finally, f-ing zombies. Why does every game have to have an f-ing zombie level. I’m surprised I haven’t run into one on Assassin’s Creed 3 yet, but, I’m sure it’ll be a DLC. Now don’t get me wrong I like killing zombies as much as the next nerd, but, sweet mercifully hop-scotching Jesus. Call of Duty, Borderlands, Red Dead Redemption, Half-Life, Warcraft, and Halo 4 all have zombie levels. I am excited about the newest zombie craze though, Zombie Run. It’s a 5k obstacle course with zombies chasing you. I am all for making work outs fun. Not everyone can appreciate the concept of pick up heavy s#!t, put it down, pick it up again.

Maybe one day an actual hard storm will hit D.C. dropping zombies on the government and they will wish they had hit the gym instead of our wallets. We can only hope and realize that all the zombie levels have desensitized us so the undead don’t stand a chance. Tap the head, they stay dead

Episode #10

On this week's special election show, Jeff, Darren and special contributer Dustin Copening break down Week 9 in the NFL and the college football landscape, explain the intrigue behind "The Redskins Rule" in The Narrative, talk the sports of movie-watching with The Mick, touch on the start of the basketball season and finish up with another round of Awful NFL Picks.

I. NFL Recaps

 

II. The Narrative - The Redskins Rule

 

III. College Football Round-up

 

IV. Entertainment Enema w/ The Mick

 

V. The Sports Landscape

 

VI. Awful NFL Picks

 

http://thesportsnarrative.podbean.com/mf/web/beiq22/Podcast11.mp3

Week Nine Stink Rankings

Week Nine Stink Rankings

by Tim the Dis-Enchanter 

 

1.) Giants NC – Great teams win big division games when they need to. The Cowboys are better than their record and the Giants still beat them in a gritty win.

 

2.) Packers NC - I sold my touchdown dance to an insurance company; the one thing that was truly my own, was, in fact for sale. 

 

3.) Texans á1 – They are a decent team, but will be hard-pressed to pull out a tough win against the surging, powerful, score-machine Bills. 

 

4.) Bears â1  – It’s about time for Cu*tler to take the annual nose-dive.

 

5.) Broncos NC – Thanks Papa.

 

6.) Falcons NC – It’s time for the Falcons to lose a game. Every week I keep saying that they aren’t that good, yet they keep winning. Lose, damn it.

 

7.) 69ers NC – The overrated Defense has sprung a couple of leaks. – Still great, but not unbeatable.

 

8.) Patriots á1 – I bought a Tom Brady jersey that I use to clean out my cat’s litter box.

 

9.) Seahawks â1 – Wild Card; one and done. You heard it here first.

 

10.) Dolphins á3 – I hate to admit that they are for real, but they look pretty good. 

 

11.) Redskins â2 – His name is Robert Griffin III, not “RG3”. Are we a nation of seven year-olds?

 

12.) Ravens â1 – Two people are dead and Ray Lewis is a star. He should be sneaking shanks out of the wood shop for cigarettes.

 

13.) Steelers á1 – and the award for the stupidest looking throw-back uniforms goes to…

 

14.) Cowboys á1 – How many seasons do Cowboys fans keep wondering whether or not “it’s Romo”? Still, they move up one spot for hanging in there against the Giants.

 

15.) Jets â3 – They’ve fallen and they can’t get up. Tim Turbo to the rescue! Which will happen first – Tebow gets laid, or the Jets go to the Superbowl?

 

16.) Lions á2 – The Lions on Thanksgiving AGAIN. Time for a new commissioner. If it weren’t for Detroit playing on Thanksgiving, no one would volunteer to work all day at the homeless shelters.

 

17.) Eagles â1 – Yo! Vick gives you the best chance to win. Who thought we’d be hearing a Quarterback controversy out of Filthadelphia halfway through the season.

 

18.) Vikings â1 – Thanks for getting mauled by Tampon Bay, Minnesota. I’ll never pick you to win again

 

19.) Buccaneers á3 – Tampon Bay

 

20.) Cardinals â1 – Yes, an Offensive line comes in handy from time to time.

 

21.) Rams â1 – 45 – 7 loss to the Pukeriots? Bill Belichick is obviously cheating again. I heard that he makes Welker, Edelman, and Danny Dickhead wear orange make-up and striped shirts like Oompa-Loompas when they lose. Weird.  

 

22.) Bengals â1 – Yawn….

 

23.) Panthers NC – Panthers? Isn’t there some other game on? No? How about Barney Miller re-runs?

 

24.) Chargers á1 – They whipped the Browns and Chiefs because they are awesome. Just like Buffalo.

 

25.) Saints â1 – Who in the hell are Dey? Certainly not all dat!

 

26.) Raiders á5 – Who cares. 

 

27.) Colts á1 – What a disgusting snot and saliva filled tooth-pit that Quarterback has in the middle of his face. Close your freaking mouth, would you?

 

28.) Titans á1 – The Flaming Thumbtacks.

 

29.) Bills á1 – Poised to move up after they crush the Texans on Sunday in a “freak deal” game. 

 

30.) Browns â4 – Something stinks in Believeland. Its first name is Mike and its last name is Holmgren. It looks like a walrus and has a swimming pool full of applesauce.

 

31.) Jaguars á1 – Wonder-Twin powers ACTIVATE! Form of a struggling NFL franchise. Shape of a Losing Record.

 

32.) Chiefs â5 – If they keep playing the way they are, I will interview for the Chief’s Head Coaching position next year.

Cowboy's Blog by Darren Boyd

Cowboy Fans, 

 

This is a interesting offseaon coming up for the franchise in many ways, as we will no likely detail in many ways on the podcast. But the most important item on the docket might just be the Tony Romo situation. 2013 is the final year of his contract at a bloated 16.8 Mill Salary Cap figure that will no doubt call for an extenstion or a release. Will Jerry the GM pay a long term deal for a 32 year old QB? Jerry's history says absolutely that he will, as his propensity for paying aging players is well-established and maddening. But just in case he does not, I've previewed the Top 5 Senior QB's that will be available in the 2013 NFL Draft. Also Cowboy Fans, I believe in the former great general manager of the Packers, Ron Wolf, theory that you draft a QB every year. Teams like the Patriots, Packers and even the Seahawks this season show the validity of this theory. Of course, the Cowboys franchise have not drafted a QB since the failed Stephen McGee experiment, but they still need to get back on that horse to give themselves options going forward.
 

Here are my Top 5 Senior QB's, I'll add Juniors into the list as time goes by and some declare.
 

1. Geno Smith West Virginia 6'3 214 26 TDs 2 Ints - Exploded on the Heisman Scene with shootout wins over Baylor & Texas. Has comeback to Earth the last 2 weeks, also lost some of his weapons due to injuries. Positives: great pocket presences, spins the ball well, good deep ball. Negatives: not an elite athlete, Lack of accuracy when flushed out of the pocket Summary: Top 10 pick could go 1 st overall depnding on who gets the pick.

 

2. Matt Barkley USC 6'2 230 25 TDs 8 Ints - Started off the season as the Number 1 overall pick and Heisman Winner. My how times of changed. 2 losses to Stanford & Arizona have caused his stock to fall. A lot of scouts question if he is a system USC QB like Sean Salisbury and Matt Leinart or can he be a "Real" NFL signal caller. I feel that he will be a Top 20 pick because of his production.
 

3. Tyler Wilson Arkansas 6'3 220 16 TdDs 7 Ints - He started off the year with high hopes but was knocked out against Louisiana Monroe and set out the showcase game against Alabama. Despite his teams overall play, he has played well since then. He has the size and arm strength to make it in the NFL. I expect him to be a 1st Rounder & that is my last 1st Round Senior QB on the board.
 

4. EJ Manuel Florida St 6'4 245 16 TDs 4 Ints - He has the size that NFL teams want, he is a pocket QB and not a runner despite a 100 yard day on the ground against Clemson. He is an effective QB against a soft ACC Conference. A 2nd Round prospect to me but the way that NFL pushes QB prospects up the board. aka C Ponder, a team from the early 2nd Round might fall in love with his size and jump back into the late 1st Round to get him.
 

5. Landry Jones Oklahoma 6'4 230 12 TDs 4 Ints - I feel that the 2 losses to Kansas St and Notre Dame showed that he is not a NFL quality QB. He can make the easy wide open throw but his arm strength and accuracy are average at best. He has had several years to prove me wrong but has never been able to step up. He reminds me of a Kirk Cousins. A 3rd or 4th rounder career NFL backup with zero upside.
 

To get this out of the way. Collin Klein may very well win the Heisman Trophy but by no means is he a future NFL QB. Last thought, the NFL trade deadline is tomorrow, If I am GM Jerry, I would offer the St Louis Rams a 4th Rounder for Steven Jackson. This would make up for the wrong of passing on him and trading back for Julius " Im out of the NFL already" Jones. Jackson has 1 year left on his contract and is a massive upgrade to the fragile Felix "Soon to be Gone" Jones.
 

 

(Note: The trade deadline came and went without any action. Guess Jerry's "Go for it" mentality really has been cruched by the Sean Lee injury)